by Martha J Black
What is the meaning of being an independent woman? Does being independent mean spending the rest of your life alone? Could it mean having an on-again-off-again relationship and living separate lives? Does it mean accepting you will never find your “happily ever after,” whatever that means? Or does being an independent woman mean simply providing for your family, loving someone on your terms without condition, or needing to be in a leadership position? Women around the world, whether they are married, dating, or single, have been asking themselves this question for generations and generations. And yet, while writing these words, I realize we are far from finding the true answer because independence looks different from woman to woman. A person’s community, school, and educational background could influence what they see and how they act. And dictate what they consider as being independent. A woman’s life experiences could affect their idea of what independence feels, looks, and means to her.
In my recent quest to find and define the word “Independent,” I discovered two definitive paraphrased meanings. The first implied definition of “Independent” means not to be influenced or controlled by others, whether by opinion, conduct, thinking, or a person being able to act for themselves. The second meaning alluded to one person not submitting to another person’s authority or jurisdiction and essentially means being autonomous or free. You! would think the previously mentioned definitions would be enough to put my mind at ease. But that turned out to be far from the truth. I found myself navigating through more meanings and an even longer list of definitions explaining Independence. When I considered all those definitions, I discovered being an “Independent Woman” can’t be defined as one thing but many different things lending to a feeling of empowerment, individuality, and developing a sense of pride. For others, it could enlist feelings of confusion and anxiety, leading to fear of finding yourself alone with no one to count on. Those feelings can become influenced by your marital, social, and career status. Therefore, a woman’s level of discovering how to be independent is not dictated or driven by whether she works in the service industry, is a housewife, or works in the corporate community. Neither does it matter if she is a front-line employee or the CEO of her own company. While higher education can affect financial independence, it plays a small role in providing some women with the feeling of being independent emotionally.
In my research, I discovered that for some women, there is a need to feel independent. For them, it means not depending on anyone but themselves to get things done. They make their own money, pay their bills, and travel whenever they choose. They refuse to wait for permission to decide how they navigate their lives or tell them when and how to spend the money they earn. I further found that some of these types of “Independent Women” appear to not worry about what their spouses (if married) think or have negotiated their independence within the marriage. They make decisions about their professional and personal lives without depending on their spouses’ input. Which could leave the impression their husbands move agreeably with their ideas and support their independence.
Some women believe being an “independent woman” wasn’t a choice but was created out of necessity or forcing them to be independent. They must project they are courageous and work hard to hide their imperfections. These women might be afraid of others seeing them in a negative light and go out of their way to not let anyone see them struggling. When they find themselves needing the help of others, they will likely not ask for it even when they’ve exhausted all options and can not access additional resources. They often do not seek assistance from others. Women who exercise this type of independence struggle emotionally, find themselves in dysfunctional relationships, and go from being CEOs and leaders of an organization or being a service worker, etc., to coming home, switching gears, and becoming a wife, mother, and caregiver. Women who are physically and financially independent unconsciously may feel they have achieved emotional wellness. It might be hard for them to shed their independence or allow someone else to garner it. The roles they’ve established for themselves and what they’ve worked to create will be hard to balance. However, to change the narrative is to trust their choices and talk through those emotions, build relationships that foster mutual respect, and afford the other people in their lives to show them who they are. And what they are capable of providing without compromising their independence. The most considerable struggle will be an internal one. They might find themselves saying they can’t do it! But they shouldn’t give in or give the voice power and control. When women believe in themselves and the people surrounding them, they can get what they desire and need. After all, they brought them into their life to help make it better. For the women who find themselves single, this could be even more challenging because someone has already shown them they are incapable of being what they need, want, or desire. But they should not allow those fears to cloud their judgment. Their lives from the outside looking in appear to be a storybook that keeps the people around them from seeing their circumstances. The words they speak and the social circle they engage in often give little to no insight into their crisis.
In conjunction with what I’ve mentioned, some other independent women operate independently of the people and circumstances they contend with. These women are the sole proprietors of their lives, destiny, and destination. I’ve discovered their marital status bears no significance to their independence. They operate independently of their relationship, workplace, in and outside of their homes. These “Independent Women” believe it means having space and freedom to be creative and work hard to accomplish their goals. They want their voices heard and to be visible in the workplace and their homes. These women also work to find a balance within their careers and gender roles as wives, mothers, and caregivers. An “Independent Woman” with this thought process accepts and recognizes someone in their corner who can provide emotional, physical, and spiritual support. To this type of independent woman, it does not mean living independently of others or keeping people at bay. It also does not mean they must live a life of solitude or fear someone taking their independence away. Instead, they make it a point to be inclusive and create a space for themselves to operate within.
I’ve found that no matter what type of independent woman you identify with, each comes with challenges. It is difficult transitioning from independent corporate jobs and service worker roles to coming home, switching gears, and becoming wives, mothers, and caregivers. When you’ve spent the day leading others and making decisions without input, it is hard to relinquish that control. To prevent this, women must trust their choices, talk through their emotions, and build relationships that foster mutual respect.
In conclusion, being an “Independent Woman” simply means being able to breathe, exist, love, work, play, travel, and relax without fear of someone telling you that you’re doing it wrong or not doing it correctly. For this writer, being independent means going through hard times, having someone to talk to, and getting support when needed. It’s about reaching out to others who have experienced what you’ve been through and leaning on others at the end of the day when you’ve left the independence at the office or your front door. It should stand then to reason that being an “Independent Woman” means not bearing your burden or struggling alone. It means trusting in others when needed and realizing it’s okay to reach out for help.
The write stuff 